This article tells the story of New York legal assistant who began Brazilian Jiu-jitsu classes to step out of the shadow of her abusive ex-boyfriend and learn confidence once again.
Michelle Cohen* endured an abusive and often physically violent relationship with long-time boyfriend, Darryn*, for five years when she finally decided to take matters into her own hands. She signed up for Brazilian Jiu-jitsu at New York-based academy, which she chose for its core principle that with the right combat technique you can take on an opponent of any size and strength, no matter how small you are. Since Michelle was substantially smaller and weaker than her boyfriend, she believed Brazilian Jiu-jitsu would be the perfect martial art form to train in.
She was right, but she never really thought that her martial arts skills would truly be put to the test....
* Names have been changed to protect the individuals' identity.
The Storm Hits
It was about three weeks after Darryn stormed out of the house in tears that I began receiving plaintive messages and calls from him begging for forgiveness. When I made it clear that I wasn't interested in reconciliation and that we should schedule a time to have him come by and collect all of his belongings, the messages turned ugly. He became more pugnacious than ever - if that were possible - and eventually 
I felt I had to notify the police of my situation. I wanted someone there on the day Darryn was to come and get his stuff, so I arranged with a local New York cop to drop by and ensure that the collection went smoothly.
I felt I had to notify the police of my situation. I wanted someone there on the day Darryn was to come and get his stuff, so I arranged with a local New York cop to drop by and ensure that the collection went smoothly.
Unfortunately, my ex was a day early and caught me by surprise.
I had just come back from my Brazilian Jiu-jitsu class at the New York gym when I saw Darryn's car parked outside my house. It took me several minutes to calm down, remembering my breathing techniques and adopting the meditative state of mind we had been taught in our Brazilian Jiu-jitsu classes. I don't know why I didn't call the cops right away, but a part of me wanted to show Darryn what I had become and that I wasn't a possession he could squash and suffocate anymore. I stepped out of the car feeling strong and yet calm. There was no anger. He saw me coming and approached me, looking me up and down salaciously in my sports gear.
"You started working out or something? Wish you could have done that when we were together. I would have enjoyed this new you."
"What do you want, Darryn. I've made myself perfectly clear over the phone."
"Yeah I know you have. I came to get my stuff."
"You were supposed to come tomorrow."
"What does it matter? Have you got someone new already? Do you want to hide your new boyfriend from me?"
"The only new person in my life is me. I want you to leave now and come back tomorrow as we arranged."
"I think I'll come in now and get my stuff, because I'm here and I'm free right now."
"Darryn, you don't seem to understand. You're not in control anymore. I am. And I'm telling you that I'm not available for you right now. You've got to leave."
"You? In control?"
He spat these last words out and with that, his face darkened… the face I'd seen a thousand times: the face that heralded a violent outburst and a Neanderthal display of strength. Only this time, his backhand seemed to come from miles away.
Brazilian Jiu-jitsu: Engaged in Battle
Without knowing it, my martial arts training had dramatically improved upon my dexterity, alacrity and reflexes with the result that Darryn's assault seemed to happen as though it was under water. It took ages to reach me and when it did, I grabbed his arm and went with its momentum, tipping him off balance and throwing him completely over my shoulder in a move I had practiced again and 
again at my Brazilian Jiu-jitsu classes in New York. Instead of using the smooth rolling motion I would with a sparring partner, I made sure Darryn had a very bumpy ride and he landed back-first on the pavement, cracking the back of his head against the curb.
again at my Brazilian Jiu-jitsu classes in New York. Instead of using the smooth rolling motion I would with a sparring partner, I made sure Darryn had a very bumpy ride and he landed back-first on the pavement, cracking the back of his head against the curb.
The violence of my action shocked me terribly and for an instant, I nauseatingly thought I might have killed the idiot. Instead of hanging around to find out, I fled for my car and raced off to the police station where I shakily explained to the sergeant what had happened. He followed me back to my house only to find that Darryn had left. We did a walk of the perimeter of my house and, much to my relief, discovered that he hadn't left anything destroyed in his wake. It's not often one gets to use Brazilian Jiu-jitsu or any form of martial arts taught in NYC in a real life situation, but when you do… well, let me tell you just how incredible that feeling is!
One Year Later....
I had to move out of my home. I wasn't prepared to wait around for Darryn to plan a counter-move, so I made quick arrangements and put the house on the market. Thankfully, I haven't heard from him since that day I threw him to the pavement; a move I never thought I would be capable of if it weren't for the Brazilian Jiu-jitsu classes at the local New York academy.
Learning martial arts changed my life; it pulled me out of my circumstances and out of my own head, which was as much a prison as my physical life. I don't think there is a better form of exercise or a life philosophy than what is taught in martial arts classes and I can't recommend them highly enough to one and all who find anything lacking in their life, whether it's a little social confidence or the basic human right of feeling safe and protected.
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