How Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Changed Atlanta Woman’s Life, PART 1

This article tells the story of an Atlanta legal assistant who began Brazilian Jiu-jitsu classes to step out of the shadow of her abusive ex-boyfriend and learn confidence once again.

It took an intimate relationship with the floor and the violence of shattered glass to finally convince Michelle Cohen* that she needed to get out of her abusive relationship. But she knew that simply breaking up with her boyfriend, Darryn*, would only be the start of her struggle and so she began Brazilian Jiu-jitsu at an Atlanta-based academy, which she found online. It was six months later that her classes would pay out in the most deliciously justified way thinkable.

* Names have been changed to protect the individuals’ identity.

Six Months, 27 Days Earlier…

We had been together for five stormy years, of which I probably only spent two being happy. The loss of self-esteem was something that happened over many years and it crept up on me so stealthily, I had no idea I was becoming less and less confident in all aspects of my life. Many of my friends drifted away because they couldn’t identify with me anymore and were frustrated with trying to get me to see the situation for what it was.

I was in an abusive relationship.

But it didn’t end with the mocking, not-so subtle put-downs and patronizing. Darryn became physically abusive sometime after our three-year mark. It didn’t happen often at first, but more and more, his violence found physical outlets that had me replacing more vases, plates, doors and windows than I would ever think possible.

One day, I found myself on the floor with a shattered glass inches from my head. The ‘me’ of five years ago suddenly came roaring back into my body and I found myself thinking with the most clarity I’d had in years: what are you doing here? Do you like it on the floor amongst all this broken glass and the teeth-chattering fear that you are literally going to die today?

No. It was right then and there that I decided to take control.

The Search for Martial Arts Classes in Atlanta Begins

It didn’t take me long to read up about martial arts. The Internet offered lots of information and suggestions and so it was only a week later that I signed up for Brazilian Jiu-jitsu at a local Atlanta gym. I liked the sound of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu because I’m quite small and slim and my boyfriend towers over me at over 6 ft. Brazilian Jiu-jitsu teaches you how to take on opponents bigger and stronger than yourself by taking the fight to the ground. While I had no intention of actually wrestling my boyfriend to the ground during a fight, I did fantasize about landing a couple of well-placed kicks that would force him to think twice about getting aggressive with me.

I began rigorous training at the Brazilian Jiu-jitsu club in Atlanta and after only a couple of classes; I began feeling emotionally stronger and more confident. After four months, I split up with Darryn who never saw it coming at all! At first he was prostrate with tears and grief: apologizing for every bruise, every broken glass and every dented door. When I refused to forgive him, I left abruptly and I didn’t hear from him for two months.

The Eye of the Storm

I changed the locks on the doors and began to grow accustomed to life without an abusive thundercloud living in the house. I continued my martial arts classes at the Atlanta gym and was growing stronger, more muscular and more confident each week. But that wasn’t the last I’d hear from Darryn. Of course it wasn’t. He abused me physically, emotionally and psychologically for five years. I thought it was all over, when in reality, those three blissful weeks were really the eye of the storm…

Stay Tuned for Part 2…

“You? In control?”

“He spat these last words out and with that, his face darkened… the face I’d seen a thousand times: the face that heralded a violent outburst and a Neanderthal display of strength. Only this time, his backhand seemed to come from miles away.”